I think that kindness in today’s world is perceived wrong. It’s perceived as a weakness. It’s underrated. If you’re a nice and kind person, you’re perceived as a wimp. But, if you’re a badass and you treat people like shit, you’re aggressive and competitive (especially in men’s world), then you’re cool, you’re awesome and you have all the chicks (although there’s a lot of truth in it). But, what if I told you that kindness is more efficient than being an asshole?
I’m not writing this post to teach you about morals, I don’t want to focus here on moral benefits of kindness. I try to be a pragmatic person and I want to share very pragmatic look on kindness. So, if you don’t care about morals, people or religion, it doesn’t matter – kindness is a very useful tool in everyday life. Use it and your people skills will skyrocket.
However, there is one requirement that you absolutely need to meet in order be a kind person.
You must have a thick skin.
If you’re sensible and vulnerable, being kind may be too hurtful for you, people like to take advantage of kind people, because they know they can be fully themselves and feel at ease around you and that leads to being under their control. You have to remember to make boundaries and to not allow getting completely dominated by people.
Kindness is a risk, with kindness you risk being hurt by others, but this risk is definitely worth the pay.
One more thing.
In order to have good people skills you have to know the most important rule – everyone have intense need to feel important. Kindness gives that fuel to other people, by being kind to others we simply give them this feeling of importance. Remember it, because it’s crucial.
Kindness is a powerful weapon.
It is more powerful than any negative behavior. Kindness ISN’T weakness, it’s a HUGE strenght.
1. Kindness destroys the barriers.
Why people are mean and aggressive? Let’s skip the causes like bad humor or that something pissed them. People generally are mean to others because of their defensive barrier.
Everyone has this barrier, it’s a defensive system against being hurt.
We all want someone to listen to us, to share with our deepest secrets (that’s why we are looking for close friends or deep relationships). If you’re kind to someone, you create trust and positive vibe that sets these barriers much lower or completely destroys them.
People want to be open to you, you know them much better than others, that’s why you have so much power over them.
2. You make people dependable on you.
One of the features of this power is that you make them dependable on you. They don’t want to lose you, so when they will see danger in the form of abandoning them, they will do anything for you to stay.
3. You have less enemies.
Who wants to fight people that are kind to us? What for? Through kindness we disassemble aggression, through kind treatment people see in us a friend, not an enemy. If they have benefits by knowing us, why destroy it? You don’t annoy, you don’t insult, you make everyone feel good and special, you’re the source of their good mood, losing person like that would be a HUGE loss for them.
4. You can win the battle without even fighting.
“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”
“Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.”
With being kind you don’t need to fight in order to win over a person. Convince them to your right without unnecessary arguing. Convince them with kindness. When you argue, you only make their barriers stronger and then there is no possibility to persuade them. Try to avoid open fight and kill’em with kindness (that’s right, Selena).
When you allow yourself to get dragged into unnecessary battles and win at the end, it might feel good at first, but then you’ll find out it wasn’t worth your time and effort. That’s why you need to remember that not every battle is worth fighting.
I think that best victory is when you convert your enemies to your allies, and kindness is the best way to achieve it. It will save you from negative energy and will benefit you drastically.
When you respond with kindness, those who did you wrong may soon become your biggest allies.
5. You don’t need to fear that other will harm you.
If you can ease aggression with kindness, statistically you have much less chance of getting abused or hurted physically. Kindness and diplomacy skills can help you be safe in dangerous situation, you can avoid being beaten by bunch of bullies, being sued by someone etc. Kindness ease conflicts and make your opponent to ease his aggressive behavior, therefore it’s very effective way of avoiding damage caused by other people with aggressive stance toward us.
6. You are much better leader.
If you show people that you care about them and you’re kind and helpful, then they will want to follow you. They will trust you more and they will be counting on you.
Employees feel greater trust with someone who is kind. They especially don’t fear to ask for help and you have better communication with them.
Like the author of this post said:
The most successful leaders treat their team members with kindness. They realize that kindness is motivating.
Motivated team members lead to a winning organizational culture, which leads to people having pride in their work, their team and their company, which leads to outstanding results and superior client service..
7. You feel better about yourself
When you are kind, you smile. When you smile your mood gets up. You are more positive and that has a huge impact on your overall health. You have more positive conversations with other people and you feel more connected with them.
Also, engaging in kind acts increases positive affect in socially anxious individuals. There is even study about it that you can find here.
Don’t be a people pleaser though
I’m not encouraging you to become a people pleaser, you rather have to remember to take care of yourself. Kindness to other people has to make YOU more happier, calmer, more positive and more confident about yourself. Don’t ever go to lose-win situation because it needs to be a win-win, either way it just doesn’t make sense. People pleasing is a destructive activity and you need to avoid it at all cost. You have to set boundaries and stand for yourself if it’s necessary. Don’t ever forget that.